Thanks for putting up with me.  This is the bald-faced truth as regards me.....layed open and bare for you to see my dear friend....this comment I IM'd to Crystal says it exacty:

Crystal I'm gonna end up with another....and I'll always have you in mind....this is probably what's gonna happen....I know you won't be ready for a long time and that even when you are..there's no guarentee that you'd even want me.....and this truth is literally destroying me..I know this is what's coming..and I don't know what to do...I honestly don't...I see destruction coming...I know what I want and who....and I know it will never be..... so I do an injustice to whomever it is I get with...and I see eventual misery at the horizon...nothing I can do about that but live till I draw my last breath....simple as that...I love you as my wife...and have since we became close. Crystal I can't change that. It's not a matter of choice...it really isn't....it simply is.... I love you forever...